RON95 Subsidy Rationalisation: MyKad to Become Ultimate VIP Pass for Cheap Petrol
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KUALA LUMPUR – The Malaysian government, in an ambitious bid to rationalise fuel subsidies, has decided that MyKad will now serve as the official passport to discounted RON95 petrol. This move ensures that only the “deserving” will enjoy cheaper fuel—provided they survive the digital odyssey of registrations, approvals, and the inevitable "system maintenance" messages.
The MyKad, previously just an identity card, has now ascended to god-tier status, allowing access to government aid, traffic summons, and now, cheaper petrol. "We are leveraging cutting-edge technology to ensure only eligible citizens receive the subsidy," a government spokesperson said, presumably while praying the servers don’t crash on day one.
Experts warn of potential issues, including long petrol station queues, MyKad scanners mysteriously “not working,” and an entirely new market for "subsidy-qualified MyKad rentals." Meanwhile, the middle class has been advised to prepare for their new role as full-time fuel sponsors.
"The second half of 2024 will be exciting!" promised one official, as economists silently nodded in despair.
